bothersome.

i just have to get this out of my head!!!:-(

this something that makes me feel ikee inside.
this something that i think is inappropriate.
this something that is not right.
this something that makes me wonder.
this something that makes me worry.
this something that brings back the past. the past that i would love to forget.:-(
this something that irritates me.
this something that makes me watch. that makes me feel AWKWARD.:-(

i would not call this the thing i would not want to say 'til i know it is really it. it's really bothering me. and i mean really really bothering me. it's the feeling i felt years ago that made me want not to feel it again 'til i'm sure i'm ready to feel and face it like a man. it's completely complicated. (sigh).:-(

i feel that i don't have the right to be frustrated. but i am.

i really hope it's not the thing i think it is. i hope i can get this out of my head!

bye!:-(

he-who-doesn't-feel-like-it:-(

i don't know. i really really don't know.:-(

i hate it. i hate it so much.:-(

(sigh!):-(

i'm aiming to post two blogs today, since i haven't visited this account for a long while. hope i can achieve that.:-)

right. now that my semester has finally crossed the finish line, i can now be able to take a look back on the things i apparently took for granted. i hate the end. hate it so so much...don't know why i do. maybe i just hate feeling left alone without anyone to talk with. as my days here in elbi add up, i remember my dorm days.:-) and that feeling of loneliness every end of semester. that kind of feeling i experience while staring at those dormers outside the dormitory with their baggage, wating for their parents to pick them up.:-(

i'm planning to go home tomorrow. but i think i don't have the courage to do so yet. i also don't know why...i hate it...really.

this semester had been cruel. i mean, really cruel. for me at least...:-(
i had a lot of precious time wasted. really wasted. but i couldn't blame anyone but me. i took every moment for granted and never thought of the consequences of my previous actions.:-(
it's sad. really sad. my grades this semester is actually below average, compared to my grades last semester. i expect almost all of my grades this sem is on the line of 2 and/or lower. it's not because i don't study. i do. when i can and when i badly need to. maybe it's because i underestimated my subjects this semester. i expected them to be easy and passable but they're not. they're hard. and cruel. and hard. and really cruel. they make my nose bleed and my brain squeeze.

[(sigh!) and a big one.]

nevertheless, i'm expecting to pass all my courses this semester. only, not with the grades i expected myself to have, but with grades just enough to make me feel good about myself. one thing's for sure, i'll make it a point to give my studies more time next semester.:-)

songs for the day: "Somebody Out There" and "Waiting for Yesterday"
[both by David Archuleta:-)]